Everyone’s Crying, and So Are You

Everyone’s Crying, and So Are You

ADVERTISEMENT

  • Carolyn Fagan

    Carolyn Fagan is a writer. After spending a life in Rhode...

Chocolate. Lots of it.

Hey Y'all! Hope you’re doing great and that whatever flotation device you’ve fashioned to keep your head above the water level of your tears is also doing great. Let’s take a break from discussing which circle of hell we woke up inside this morning and talk about what really matters: Kind of Sort of Peppermint Patties.

Follow along closely. As you know, it’s very important to fully read the instructions or campaign or whatever of any journey you’re about to embark on.

Disclaimer: This recipe made me eight little patty balls. If you want more, change it. If you want less, change it. Be in control of what you want and act accordingly, maybe even have a discussion with someone else—but definitely at least with yourself—about why you wanted this specific change.

STEP ONE

Melt two big heaping tablespoons of coconut oil on low heat in a pan or pot or whatever you have. My one small pot currently doesn’t have a handle, but, in the words of a lady I admire, “The worst thing that can happen…is to become cynical about the future and lose hope.”

Looks good, right? RIGHT?

STEP TWO

Pick and wash, or wash and pick, mint leaves off of all the stems of the mint you can buy in a container from Trader Joe’s for $1.99. I don’t know how much mint that is, but I let my feelings dictate how much I wanted to use. As our upcoming Commander-In-Chief well knows, concrete numbers can, on any given day, be based on arbitrary emotions

STEP THREE

Throw the mint, melted coconut oil, and a heaping tablespoon of cashew butter in a food processor. Or chop the mint and then just mix all this. As long as you’re proactive, you will see results. Once mixed, add….like a cup (?) of powdered sugar. Basically just add powdered sugar until you can roll the mixture with your hands into little sturdy balls. The mint in this is not going to be super strong, so if you have some mint extract lying around, add a drop. Or even creme de menthe—that might be good. Or it might not, in terms of daytime drinking. Maybe abstain. Keep a clear mind. Moving right along,

- - - ADVERTISEMENT - - -


STEP FOUR

You rolled the little balls, right? Sometimes it’s easy to forget if you did what you were supposed to, what you knew you had to. It’s easy to forget if you did enough. So think about how to make sure you do enough next time. Now you’re going to melt about 1/2 a bag of chocolate chips or chunks (I used semi-sweet, but dark chocolate and mint is really probably where it’s at) with another tablespoon of coconut oil.

STEP FIVE

Dip the balls. Which is kind of a reverse motion to grabbing the p—did you clean your food processor already? I always clean mine right away because it’s harder to clean once the food in it dries. It’s important to act—and plan—logically and thoughtfully, when things are still fresh. Let things sit around for too long and you’ll get used to them, and next time you use your food processor you’ll wind up with a dried up minty sugar chunk in your hummus. 

STEP SIX

Pop dem balls in your freezer for long enough for them to harden. Nice.

STEP SEVEN

Wrap ‘em up real pretty and serve them lovingly, welcomingly, and Americanly to all your neighbors who might be wondering about their well-being right now. Maybe even let them know that your door is always open, if there’s anything they need to talk about. And promise—to yourself, and to them—to listen.

Yum! Everything is okay now!

BY THE WAY: if mint and chocolate isn’t your thing, change this recipe up, my man. I only used mint leaves, so it wasn’t super minty. Go ahead and try any of your favorite herbs that you think pair well with chocolate. Or just use an extract. (Possibilities: lavender, rosemary, basil? IDK. Decide your own fate).