I recently had a conversation with someone who said, “It seems like you always have your shit together.” Outside I responded with a series of awkward inaudible groans that sounded something like, “eh, uh, nah, uh,ugh.”  Tugging at my clothes and doing my best to disguise the feeling that I was a fraud. Because inside, I was laughing to myself. Because, at that very moment, I felt like I was falling apart at the seams. I often feel like I am falling apart at the seams. I think it’s easy to look at someone for the brief moments that we’re interacting with them {or for what we see on social media} and to compare our own lives with that. I can count so many times that people have made comments to me about what they see of me online and how they wish they could be more like _____. More organized, more fashionable, more social, more whatever… Today, this post, is not only to free you of feeling like whatever you see online is the whole truth. But, even more so, to free myself of the expectation that I always have my shit together. So that when you really get to know me, you won’t be disappointed. Because sometimes, we are all a little screwed up.   Here are a few truths:

1. I spend more time in sweatpants than in real clothes.
2. Days that I work out, I like to wear my gym clothes all day because they’re more comfortable than anything else I own.
3. For every good picture of myself on the internet, there are 25 disgusting ones that I’ve worked hard to keep under wraps.
4. I am broke. Most of the time.
5. I have $60,000 in student loans for a photo journalism degree. Something that people are teaching themselves now!
6. I place work so high on my priority list that I forget other things exist.  
7. I don’t take selfies on bad hair days.
8. I have champagne taste on a beer budget.
9. If I seem distant while we’re hanging out, I’m thinking about all the things I screwed up on at work that day.
10. I am a huge advocate for loving yourself and speaking kindly to yourself. But, at least one day a week I forget that.
11. I’m always thinking about the future and have a very hard time being content.
12. I’m HORRIBLE at DIY. Horrible at it. I end up spending more money for something that looks like an elementary school child made it.
13. For far too long I cooked all of my meals on high. Medium to high heat meant nothing to me.
14. Once I almost set the house on fire trying to fry wontons. {the oil isn’t supposed to boil?}
15. I have an inability to say 'no' to projects and time with people. To the point that I may go days, sometimes weeks, without time for myself. 
16. I’m hopelessly trendy. My likes and dislikes sway with the wind.
17. There is at least one type-o in every single thing that I put online.
18. There are times where I barely talk at all. Mostly because I feel inferior on a subject, don’t want to talk too much, or feel like no one is interested in what I have to say.
19. I have insane guilt issues. I feel guilty about just about EVERYTHING.
20. Seriously I feel guilty about everything, where I went to lunch that day, if that guy over there is in a bad mood, taking bathroom breaks from work, and much much more.

  Want to share your confessions? I’m listening! Let’s all be a little screwed up together! xoxo, Sarajane.