Let's Agree

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Let's Agree

That negronis are fucking disgusting and should never have a full week devoted to them again.
That hiking is just walking.
To push in our chairs when leaving the table.
That you have one day to respond to a text without becoming dead to the recipient; one hour for a sext, half-hour for a sext with nude attached; allowances made for legitimate excuses such as being actually on fire.
That high-gravity beers exist because they get you drunker faster.
To walk to the right.
To stop apologizing for anything for which we are not truly sorry; that it is uncessary to exchange apologies over trivia as a way of easing the stress of social interactions, that apologies have in fact lost meaning through overuse, that there is almost nothing for which we truly need to apologize, that we will know the necessary moment when it comes.
That the best dreams to hear about are the ones you’re in.
To round up, not down, when we are confronted with a tip line or jar.
That sex is rarely casual.
That love is not always serious.
That everyone feels differently about The Eagles.
To work on a permanent solution for coffee cup lids being pieces of shit that don’t fit properly and ruin outfits.
Not to talk about our diets, however ideally close they may be to that of a monosyllabic prehistoric warrior ape.
That a bill totalling less than twenty dollars shall never be called upon to be split.
That girls don’t just wanna have fun.
That boys don’t only want love if it’s torture.
That being barefoot feels great but it’s not enough material from which to build a whole personality.
That summer time is hot and winter time is cold except when they are not because of us ruining the earth and we can talk about something else or preferably nothing at all.
That we are working really hard.
That we are hardly working.